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Poker Players Agree to Wear Unitards
In a show of goodwill toward the International Sanctioning Committee, representatives from Poker In Athens have confirmed that, if allowed to participate, their poker athletes will indeed don spandex unitards during competition. It's a big step for both parties, as many considered the so-called "Banana Hammock" clause a deal breaker in the ongoing talks to get poker into the games.
"After a great deal of discussion, and a couple of cases of hard liquor, I think we all agreed that if dressing up like carnie-folk will help get poker in the games, it's a sacrifice we have to make," said poker spokesman Frank Carter. "And to be perfectly honest, the stuff's not that bad. I mean at first it was constrictive, but now it's almost comforting. Like God's giving you one long full-body hug. But one word of warning, we're not exactly built like a bunch of Greek gods. When you play poker 140 hours a week you don't really get a lot of 'me time.'"
What effect the announcement will have on the face of the games remains to be seen; however, experts believe it could impact everything from TV ratings to the fashion world.
Gina Greene, self-proclaimed Diva of Pop Culture, explains, "It's a proven fact that when you ad spandex to any activity, public interest rises dramatically. Couple that with the drama of poker and you've got the makings of a cultural renaissance on your hands. The runways of Paris are already wild with rumors that love handles are the new black. Fashion's top designers are working on control top vests specifically designed for the poker crowd, with pockets to hold sunglasses and mustache combs. They're clearly sending a message — when it comes to sexy, the days of the six-pack Adonis are gone. Welcome to the age of the pear-shaped and the back-haired." |
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